College admissions season is a stressful time for the entire family. Seniors begin to feel anxious about starting a new chapter of their lives and leaving the comforts of home behind. Parents are equally worried about sending their children off into the world, hoping that they have prepared them well over the past 17 years.
(Parents, for tips on supporting your child as college decisions are being released, check out this video from Insight’s Co-Founder and Head of Admissions Counseling Purvi Mody).
But before families can see their children off, they must first get through the admissions process. Increasingly, parents are taking a much deeper role in the process — some for the better and some for the worse. Below are some Insights into what the parents’ role should and should not be during the college admissions process.
1 – Guide your child in choosing colleges that would be a great fit, but don’t force your child to only apply to schools that you like. This is the perfect opportunity to have an open conversation with your child. Emphasizing rank and brand might cause your child to react negatively to the pressure.
2- Check if your child is ok with this before reading over your child’s essays and giving advice. Do not write or rewrite the essays for them. A teenager’s voice is distinctly different from a parent’s/adult’s voice. Colleges want to hear from the students about what is important to them in their own words, and admissions officers are very savvy about distinguishing essays written by parents and those written by students.
3 – Drive/accompany your child to an admissions interview or college visit, but let them take control once you arrive. If your child is interviewing with a local alumnus or admissions officer, refrain from introducing yourself or even going into the interview location. When visiting colleges or when college admissions reps come to your school or town, encourage your child to talk to the presenters directly.
4 – If you have questions that can only be answered by an admissions office, have your child call. It helps the student to develop the ability to speak to adults and to take control of the admissions process. Do not call the admissions office frequently with questions that can be answered by perusing the website and avoid identifying yourself if you do.
5 – Students will need to ask their teachers for letters of recommendation. It’s not appropriate for parents to ask on their behalf.
6 – Remind your children about due dates and help them manage the process, but don’t micromanage them. Doing so will cause undue stress for everyone.
7 – Do not request letters of recommendation from family friends because of their connections, position of power, job title if they have not had any significant face-to-face interactions with your child.
8 – Be ambitious yet realistic in expectations. Support your children in applying to schools they really love, even though they may be a little (or much) harder to get into. Make sure, though, the list is balanced so that there are options in April of Senior Year.
9 – Don’t compare your children to other kids. Rising seniors/current seniors are as stressed as they can be right now, and comparisons to other children will compromise their confidence and make them feel inferior.
10 – Celebrate all successes. Every acceptance is cause for celebration, even if it is a safety school. This will give your child confidence as the other decisions come. Do not put down any colleges!
While applying to college is a means to an end, it is a learning process nonetheless. Your children are learning to be an adult and you are learning to let them be more independent. Your support and words of encouragement can make all the difference.
In a few months, essays, applications, interviews, and supplements will be a distant memory, but the relationship you build and the bounds you establish now can last a lifetime.
This article was written by Insight’s Co-Founder and Head of College Counseling Purvi Mody.
Since 1998, Purvi has dedicated her career to education and is exceedingly well-versed in the college admissions process. Her philosophy centers around helping kids identify and apply to the schools that are the best fit for them and then develop applications that emphasize their unique attributes and talents.
